Sh*t Army Wives Say

Identity Crisis

We're getting promoted next month.

Our BAH changed.

We're in Charlie Company.

They're moving us again. 

Why should I have to participate?  You're in the Army, not me!


Wanderlust (all in reference to the same duty station)

EWW!  I don't want to live there!!

UGH!  I hate it here!!

AWW!  I loooved it there!!


What the What??

Honey, the TSP didn't draft, and the BAH on the LES was for O2 instead of O3.  So I called USAA, and then I went to finance, but finance won't talk to me without a general POA, so meet me at JAG unless you want to DIY. 

We have to PCS so my husband can attend the CCC for his MOS. 

I waited for an hour at DEERS to enroll Kate in EFMP, but had forgotten her SSN and statement from her PCP, so I was SOL. 


I have to register with CYS so I can drop the kids at CDC on my way to PWOC. 


FRG? FML,

I don't participate in FRG because the women are all catty witches.

Another email?  Delete!

No one ever tells me what's going on.

I asked for help moving apartments because I had a hair appointment that day, and was told that that's not "the FRG's purpose". Witch. 

They brought another lasagna?? (after elective surgery)

My FRG leader sucks.  I could do such a better job.

I'm the new FRG leader??

No one's coming to my meetings, even though I keep sending the emails.

No, I'm sorry, the FRG isn't responsible for your lawn maintenance. Moron.

Okay, I have to pick up my kids, go home, and make dinner for our family and for Sue Smith.  She just had her nose done, and can't cook for her own children.  They didn't give me any likes, dislikes, or allergies.  I hope they like lasagna.

My FRG sucks.  I'd like to see any of them do a better job.


Approximately 5 Weeks After Redeployment

Have you heard?  The Johnsons, Romeros, and Greens are pregnant.

Have you heard?  The Davidsons, Fitzgeralds, and Taylors are getting divorced.

Have you seen the McDonalds new Escalade?

Have you seen the Jacksons new boobs?


Generally Speaking

Semi-formal?  What does that mean??  What am I supposed to wear?

I hate hail and farewells-  they're always at the kids' bedtime.

I hate hail and farewells- they're always full of screaming crying kids.

Oooh, Army Wives is on!  I love that show; it's just like real life.

Eww, Army Wives is on!  I hate that show; that crap would never happen in real life. 

We're waiting on a board.

We're waiting on orders.

We're waiting on movers.

We're waiting on housing.

We're waiting on household goods.


And Finally...

HOOAH!!  (I am, of course, kidding.  None of us ever say this seriously.  At least, we shouldn't.)