Sorry, boys. This one's for the ladies.
Recently, a friend of mine used Facebook to post an article reporting that $3.6 billion dollars in medical expenses could be saved each year if the number of children breastfed for at least six months increased by 50 percent. It was like the shot heard 'round the world. Or, the post heard 'round her Facebook page, at least. Suddenly, she had twenty responses from women who were declaring allegiances and turning on each other faster than a group of Junior Leaguers at a Kate Spade clearance. All my friend was trying to do was report a statistic she found personally interesting. Instead, she became the latest casualty of the Mommy War.
The Mommy War is the ongoing battle orchestrated and fought by modern mothers who think that our way of raising children is best. We all fight under the guise of doing what's best for the children, but I think the end game for many of us is moral superiority. As much as I would like to claim neutrality here, I cannot. No, the real Switzerland in the Mommy War is inhabited by the childless. Some of these ladies may feel a pull toward one side or the other, but they mainly think (correctly) that we're all nuts. I know, because I used to live in Switzerland, too.
Sadly, I am admitting to being a participant in this conflict. It's not my fault; they include draft cards in those boxes of home pregnancy tests. It's like the worst cereal box prize ever. Seriously, though, you are expected to take a side the minute you see that stick turn blue. Caffeine during pregnancy? Doc or Midwife? Bradley or Epidural? Women are thrown on the front lines before you can say "Boppy". The two biggest armies are the United States of Crunch, and the Republic of Shut the Eff Up and Let Me Raise My Kid the Way I Want. For ease of reading, the latter will henceforth be referred to as "The Wrong Way". Whoops, sorry- they trained me as a sniper in boot camp. All kidding aside, the hits just keep on coming after labor. Breastfeeding, circumcision, vaccines, disposable diapers, organic foods, daycare... the road between hospital (or birthing venue of your choice) and home is littered with Mommy War landmines. Step carefully, my friend.
I am all for women educating themselves, and making parenting choices that work best them. However, I HATE that we are brandishing our personal decisions in a way that makes other mothers feel bad about themselves. And, if I'm perfectly honest, I've both wielded the blade and felt its sting. Every time I go to a cookout, I bring my own food for Karolina. Then, when someone inevitably asks me why, I announce, loudly and proudly, that I don't allow my child to eat hotdogs. More often than not, I'm standing over the children's table filled with hotdog scarfing kiddos. Why? Why do I do that? I could just feed her at home before we leave. I could just fill her plate with other foods I'm okay with. But no, I strap on my bomb, push the button, and wait for my virgins. Now, before you start taking me off your Christmas Card list, let me say this: Neither of my children has ever been given ANY vaccines. See? I guarantee that some of you think that is incredibly irresponsible, and you would never put your child at risk like that.
The worst part about Mommy War, is that we declared it on ourselves. And it has gotten so out of hand, that otherwise sane, educated, rational women are utterly incapable of holding civil debate on these hot-button issues. Stating your opinion is viewed as an attack on the opposition. Period. We are taking the one thing that is uniquely female- motherhood- and using it to tear each other apart. We've gone from women's suffrage, to women's sufferage. So, this is it. I'm laying down my arms, waving my white flag, and signing the peace treaty. While I will continue to be a proud citizen of the United States of Crunch, I won't beat you down to see things our way. (Our borders are open if you want to stop by.) I will no longer announce my parenting decisions. I will remember that other mothers' choices, while none of my business, are made with love and in the best interest of the child. Nothing is more important than that. Besides, in the sage words of Axl Rose, what's so civil about war, anyway?
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