I Am My Own Existence, Nothing More (and other existentialist crap)

How important is sense of self?  I think that most people have an awareness, at least subconsciously, of the labels that define them.  Teacher, husband, mother, son, friend- just a few of a million labels that we combine in a unique way and don like haute couture.  Titles woven into my own fabric include intelligent, stay-at-home mother, and wife.  Generally, I've been pleased with my personal ensemble, but last week, life pulled a loose thread and left me hanging bare like some sad, past her prime chick on a Girls Gone Wild video.

It all started because I was bored.  I decided to either get my hair cut, or start graduate school.  Having found no decent stylist in Leesville, I opted to hit the books.  In true Kitt fashion, I chose a school, degree plan, and career path in roughly 12 hours.  I had just over two weeks to submit my application, which was to include a qualifying GRE score.  No problem.  I've never been good at sports or mechanics, but I can rock a standardized test.  I am, after all, intelligent.  As far as I could see, the biggest hurdle was obtaining the proper identification to present the testing center; it had to have a recent picture and have my name listed as Olivia Hall Squyres.  The problem was that my current driver's license still featured my maiden name, despite the fact that I've been married for eight years.  Which leads us to...

The Mansfield DMV.  It is the place to go for all of your vehicular needs.  There is never a wait, and you will always know at least one of the employees.  Usually, this is a minus, but when dealing with a soulless demon institution like the Department of Motor Vehicles, it's always better to have an in.  Anywho, I went to get my new license, and was told I needed an official copy of my marriage license from the courthouse.  Ten minutes later, I was staring at my marriage license in disbelief.  I had signed it, my pastor signed it, my witnesses signed it, that homeless guy down the street signed it, everyone signed it.  Except Daniel.  I took it back to the DMV and asked if I could still have my name changed to Squyres.  "Sure," the lady said, "but you should get that checked out.  I don't think you're really married, and that's a shame 'cause it was a real beautiful weddin."  Oh, and PS about the Mansfield DMV- they have truly excellent lighting.  I look younger in my new picture than I did in the one taken 9 years ago.  That alone was worth the absolution of my marriage.

So who am I?  I'm not a wife, so I'm a girlfriend?  I have to say, I'm bitter.  I was bamboozled into thinking he bought the cow.  Meanwhile, all of his dairy has been supplied gratis.  And I'm no longer a stay-at-home mother, so I'm an unemployed baby mama??  What am I going to do?  I guess I could get a job and provide for myself, but my brother-in-law pointed out that I probably qualify for government assistance now.  This sounds much better to me!  Great- now I'm a Democrat.  And another thing- I've been spending all these years adhering to our monthly budget, but it's quite possible that my current disposable income is less than what Daniel's monthly child support payment would be.  I wants my money, and I wants it now.  I can't believe he didn't sign the marriage license, but he signed both birth certificates.  Sucker!

Back on the market, I figured acing the GRE was even more important.  I have young coeds to charm.  I had plenty of people encouraging me to study, but truthfully, I've never had to study for that type of test in my life.  I mean, I may be a common-law hussy, but I'm no idiot, right?  Long story short... I'm an idiot.  I don't know if that test legitimately kicked my butt, or if my newly acquired persona influenced my testing ability, but trust me when I say Harvard won't be knocking down my door anytime soon.  Truthfully, my score did qualify for my chosen program, but it was nowhere near my personal expectations.  I haven't received my score on the writing portion yet.  If I crap out on that part, I'm shutting Kittastrophe down and taking up bird watching.

Kitt Hall Squyres...  Baby Mama, Live-in Companion, Simpleton, Snarky, Humbled.