Gone With the Kin

Daniel had a busy week with crazy hours last week, so I packed up the girls and headed to my parents' house in Stonewall.  My sister, Callie, is pregnant with triplets and riding out her quasi-bedrest there, so I like to visit and help out when I can.  All was going well until until a cold front and low pressure system blew into town.

It was a dark and stormy night.  Suddenly, Entertainment Tonight was interrupted by the local ABC affiliate.  I was irritated!  If I can't find out what Lindsey wore to her latest court appearance,  how will I know what to wear next time I violate probation?  Anyway, the weather guy tells me that tornadoes are imminent, and to take cover.  My first feeling was of relief; I was grateful to be with my family.  This was immediately followed by sheer panic.  I was about to be confined, in a tiny cupboard, WITH MY FAMILY!  I gathered K and Evie, and headed to the little pantry under the stairs with Callie, her husband, Arnold, and my mother, Brenda. Thankfully, my father was in Shreveport during this time.  Not that I wouldn't have enjoyed his company, but we were quickly running out of real estate.

The issue with being cooped up with anyone, is that quickly all of your individual eccentricities bubble to the surface.  For example, my sister is a total germaphobe, and my mother is only slightly less of one.  I used to be uptight about germs, especially as it pertained to Karolina, but nowadays, unless I can actually see tetanus or feces on an object, it's fair game.  Had a sneeze occurred in that closet, Callie would have repeatedly gagged, my mother would have held her breath for a far-too-extended period of time, and I would have been grateful for the breeze.  We are a cast of characters not soon forgotten. 

I'll begin with Brenda.  My mother is absolutely obsessed with any/everything made in China.  You cannot convince her that it isn't full of lead.  And unless you can show her documentation proving that an object and all it's parts are manufactured elsewhere, be prepared for the lead lecture.  I swear I had to keep Evangeline suspended in my arms, because the floor of that closet? Lead.  The paint on the walls? Lead (She doesn't trust the lead-free label to be truthful).  The carbon dioxide emitted from our collective exhalations?  Full of lead. 

Next, meet Callie and Arnold.  My sister is a nurse, and her husband is a physician.  They speak in strictest medical terms, causing an ignorant bystander (me) to feel as though she's had stroke, rendering her incapable of understanding English. I'm not exactly sure what or where Callie's inferior vena cava is, but apparently, those babies like sitting on it.  And while I'm on the subject of Dr and Mrs Barz, have I mentioned that they are in love?  They hunkered down in that closet, holding hands and telling each other how thankful they were to be together.  I was starting to get a little green (jealousy? nausea?), when my phone rang.  Yes!  It was Daniel!  I was about to show Callie that she wasn't the only one with a schmoopie-oopkins.  Triumphantly smirking, I turned my phone's volume up loud so that everyone could hear the depth of emotion in Daniel's voice.   

"Hello?"

"Duuuude!!!  The radar looks gross in Stonewall, glad I'm not there."

"Don't worry about us, Sweetie.  But just in case the rescue teams need to know where to dig to find my lifeless body, I'm in the closet under the stairs."

"Okay.  Have you seen my swim goggles?"

I know.  I'm getting a little misty-eyed just thinking about it. 

To be perfectly fair, I'm sure it wasn't a picnic being cooped up with me, either.  I'm loud.  I make inappropriate jokes.  I have a potty mouth.  I play diaper chicken with my mother (I pretend not to smell the truly noxious fumes emanating from my kid's diaper, in the hopes that my mother will change it first).  I prefer Hillary Clinton to Sarah Palin.  Throw that little lib grenade in my house-- you can actually hear the blood pressure rising.

In the end, though, we weathered the storm.  In fact, it was kind of fun. We didn't have water, food, matches, candles, flashlights, or batteries in that closet, (I could write an entire separate blog about what we did have in there), but there was a whole lot of love.  I'd duck and cover with those jokers any day.